Tour Dates

3/3/12 - St. Louis, MO

Natasha @ Lumière Place Casino

3/6/12 - San Jose, CA

San Jose Improv

3/16/12 - Birmingham, AL

Stardome/The Comedy Club

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Was Vegas ever glamorous or has it always been a festering pit of rednecks getting ripped off? Everything is fake;  the glamour, the money, the plants, the pyramids- even the billboards.  “The New Mr. Las Vegas” (huh?)  “Best 10 pm show!”  (only 10 pm show) “Entertainer of the decade!” (1983-93)? Have you ever been to a Vegas buffett that wasn’t voted the best buffet in Vegas?

I stayed at The Bellagio which is just like a Venetian castle except they play Paula Abdul and everyones wearing sweatpants.  Step it up a notch people you’re on the Vegas Strip! You’re not going to the cupboard to get more ho-hos. To make it worse, EVERY HOUR on the lawn of the Bellagio these vulgar fountains spray a water show to the love theme from the Titanic.  As tourists look contemplatively skyward, Celine’s voice tries to compete with the squeaky, rusty fountains through the climax of what might be the worst song of all time.   

Then I made the mistake of thinking the hotel pool might be a good place to catch up on some summer reading. Guys at the pool, stop bragging that you had sex with a prostitute.  Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got some Doritos from a vending machine.  And Girls, just because your heels are clear doesn’t mean we can’t tell you are wearing them with a swimsuit. It was impossible to focus on my book while the sound of “Shorty it’s your birthday” blared through the speakers, inspiring a sing-a-long all around me and my biography of Marie Antoinettte. They don’t even play real music in Vegas-they just play a medley of all the songs you never want to hear. If a D.J.’s made it to the bridge of a song you know he’s OD’d.  As the song abrubtly turned into Fergies “Let’s get Retarded in here” the only thing I could think was mission accomplished.

If only these were flames.

NOTES

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   -2nd Opinion- This...Natasha Leggero’s review...been there,...

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   why I’m crushing

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